alive, i said.

serious, ze said. the way the feet stepped like letters on the old machine. walking slowly under water. forward, until, ze masked zir laughs with highpitched stones thrown through the air, into the deepest part, pounding in. to plant their way. i can't see this more clearly- as if my eyes are swollen over with pillows drenched with your immobilized dreams. you can't remember, you say, but there they are- like cotton around me, i watch as the set rolls out the characters' acts.
and then they were pulling zir out.
i knew it was my fault. i knew there was more i could have done. .i knew. that if our intensity were less, if our words weren't as heavy and if maybe we had been able to swallow them down.. maybe....... just maybe....... things could have been different . right . now ..
but thats what happens, ze reassures me in my dreams, when we give up floating on the surface.